Saturday, July 27, 2013

This is what happens when you drag your French husband to the Bling Ring

He starts talking about Paris Hilton. I noticed that when we lived in California he started saying things like "Come over here. I just saw the coolest thing ever!" and other valley girl-esque things, which was funny, but then I realized he was learning to talk like that from ME. Which was when I started to try to talk like a fucking adult, but apparently I didn't do a very good job, because the last time I was in California my sister asked me why I spoke like a valley girl when I am obviously an intelligent person. Ahhh. Sisterly love.

David is in the US for work, and since I don't trust Amazon to ship my things in a timely manner ever since I had to chase down the mail delivery driver at my mom's house and beg them to give me my package off the truck because we were already an hour late leaving, he is at the mall picking things up and probably saying "like omg awesome" a lot.

He's going to be gone for over a week, which is a long time, but it's kind of sweet because we go back to saying good morning and good night, and trying to make each other laugh on Gchat, which we did for months before we met in real life, and over a year before we started dating. And for the following two years that we dated before we moved here, because he still lived an hour away.

David SahucDavid 
What about the sort of handbag you wanted for the tablet 
Emily LovEmily 
well that is obviously a ridiculous purchase 
did you read what you just wrote? 
I in no way need a tablet hand bag 
I just liked it 
I think my ridiculously overpriced tweezers will be enough 
unless you win big in Atlantic City 
then I want a tablet handbag in every color 
David SahucDavid
We'd just buy Paris Hilton's house 
Emily LovEmily
she has a replica of her mansion in the back yard for her dogs 
Maza would love it. We can fill it with just born baby mice. AKA veal for cats.

In other news, we've been riding our bikes to a movie theater in the 13th because it's the only place that still uses real 3D glasses (even IMAX uses those janky disposable ones they charge you a euro for). Riding is faster than the bus during rush hour, and it's mostly downhill, so even though we aren't really doing anything, we feel like we are getting exercise. And this theater has a huge selection of snacks from around the world for all the international students in the area. We bought a can of root beer for David's friend Nicholas because when the two of them visited the US for the first time they thought it was the most vile thing they had ever tasted. He said he was going to take it to work to gross out his co-workers.

I used to find these on my desk in the morning when my co-worker had been on-call the night before. I never thought I would see them again.

Jalapeno Pringles. I don't know how I stopped myself from buying them.  

The other day I decided we should try going home on bikes instead of taking the bus, and that was a rude surprise. Those hills look a lot less steep on the way down. But before we started, we had to wait for the roller bladers to go by before we could cross the street. Every Friday there is a massive group that goes through the city with police escorts at the front and back.

I noticed one of them steering towards us and I knew what he was about to do but it happened so fast I didn't have time to step back. He splashed the water from the gutter all over my bare legs and ballet flats. I turned and yelled some choice words (in English of course) and at the same time he totally ate it. He didn't move for a few seconds and I almost felt sorry for him as he slowly got to his knees and tried to balance on his skates, but I was still wishing I hadn't tossed my water bottle in the trash so I could peg him in the head with it. But who wants to get in a fight with a roving gang of treacherous roller bladers? Plus the water was from the pipes the city opens up to clean the streets, so it wasn't that dirty and the shoes weren't anything special. And no, I wasn't taking pictures at the time. The guy was just a jerk.


  1. Rollerblading is like SO 90's.

  2. Mako probably would of kicked him while he was down so I could splash water on him but that's another story. You handled yourself very well and won't be hunted down every Friday night now. Plus, if they are holding up the whole street, you have every right to take as many unflattering rollerblader pics as possible. Then make "Have you seen this dork?" posters!

    1. That would be my normal reaction in California. But with an immigration ID in my pocket, I rein myself in.

      They are passive aggressive here because it's so easy to be snarky and really rude in French. They will argue and debate until they are blue in the face over someone cutting in line but they will never punch someone. It's like totally uncouth or whatever.

      Maybe it's because I I'm older and don't got to clubs anymore but I've never seen a fight in my 3.5 years.