Monday, April 20, 2015


I always imagined that my first experience in a French hospital would be having a baby. So imagine my surprise when it is not me in that hospital bed but my husband.

Shortly after arriving home after three weeks working in Barcelona David was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia and began treatment immediately. He has been sequestered in his room since March 29th and all visitors have to wear a robe, a mask and a hair bonnet and are not allowed to touch him and have to stay right next to the door in order to contain contamination.

He has a very similar leukemia as my mom. And while my Mom battles it out doing her second round of chemo my brain battles it out trying to think of her and what she is dealing with when all I do is metro boulet hosptial dodo and my body battles it out needing to be two places at once. And at the same time not wanting to be in either place.

There have been many other great and horrible things going on, but this has brought all that minutiae into the forefront and I can just brush it away and focus on being positive.

My boss is a doctor and he said that normally a doctor only comes across this type of cancer once in his career and he couldn't believe that a person could have both their mother and husband suffering from this kind of cancer at the same time.

This is just too fucked up for me to cry over. Yeah I cried the first week but it is just fucking ridiculous.  Throw in a demanding boss who thinks he is helpful by keeping me 'distracted' aka swamped with work, and a revolving door of French people who only turn off the French radio to turn on the tv for three weeks and my brain has just had it. David doesn't want people to feel sorry for him so he doesn't want anyone to know but I cant keep my mouth shut forever.

We kept it lighthearted at first with jokes about playing nurse and Maza Cat-Chatting with him to say mean things about me.

David is really taking this role playing game too far

David and I are in a competition to see who can lose the most weight. If he wins he gets my most prized possession. My 15 year old fat mean cat and I will let her sleep on his side of the bed. If I win I get the full L.A California plastic surgery. Duck lips, nose job and cannon ball implants.

And jokes about fresh baby blood being delivered from the children's ward upstairs every time he got a transfusion.

David finally got h is own cat

Despite me taking away her wi-fi Maza is still sexting David using CatChat. And she told him she can get duck lips too if he wants. This bitch is going to the taxidermist tomorrow.

But that all stopped when he got really sick. For more than two weeks he has had chills and fever, throwing up, can't sleep and has stopped eating.

Ice bucket to cool his intravenous liquids to help lower his fever

It's rough seeing someone you love suffer. And it's worse when you can't touch them at all, not even to pull the blanket up or give them some water or a hug.

And a few days ago, he was fed up and exhausted and told me to write down his funeral requests. And that's when he said the sweetest saddest thing he has ever said to me. He said he wanted his ashes scattered at Bridgeport in California. It's just a small spot on the river where we spent the summers together swimming and playing Uno. And out of the places we have been together it's still our favorite spot.

Needless to say I am learning all sorts of new French words. Words I never wanted to know.